1. All Arnold Schwartzenegger movies involve him single-handedly fighting and defeating hundreds (if not thousands) of robust, gun-toting men. Arnold, as a must, always has a tight, grease-monkey look to it with rips and occaionally a bullet hole or two. And eventually, after beating the crap out of these bad men, Arnold MUST have a face-to-face personal confrontation with the Evil Overlord himself. Because, of course, this Evil Overlord has kidnapped the one woman/girl in his life that means something to him. And he will always have that witty, but slightly dumb sidekick who really does nothing but make jokes throughout it. And Arnold can always find a heavy I-mean-business gun or grenade. Some form of weapon.

2. In action movies, during a particular heavy-action scene, the two protagonists must have a verbal battle of sarcastic yet funny remarks. This is Hollywood, and we all know when we're about to be blown to itty-bitty bits on some ghetto sidewalk, we want our last words to be "Here's Johnny!" or something-or-other.

3. This is obvious, but it needs to be said. In any cheesy horror movie, there has to be a) scary shrieking noises during a death scene b) some form of sex, pornography, genitalia shown, etc. c) some pretty girls running around topless, because this only makes the psycho killer only angrier and more vengeful. And why is that, that the psycho killers always use different forms of killing their victims -- raping them with a haircurler (oh yes, it's been done*), the infamous shower stabbing, drowning, etc. If I was to kill dozens of skanky teenagers, I would prefer just a simple routine. Who has time to be creative? Really.

4. In action/kung fu/karate movies, there will always be the time when ONE man is taking on about six men simultaneously. And during this rough scene, when that man is fighting one, the other five stand around. When they could be beating the crap out of him together, they decide the hard way. Tsk tsk.

5. Sharks, without a doubt, will always have a personal vendetta against at least one family. And in some cases, the shark has followed that particularly tasty family to the Bahamas from, oh let's say, some random ocean. Smart shark, I'd say.

6. In almost every action/comedy/drama (such as the Beethoven series :D), there is always two bad men. Always. Because. One of them is the mean leader who constantly puts down the other one, for being dumb or whatever. At the end, for noneother reason than he was personally offended, the dumb sidekick will rebel and then proceed to fight with the opposition.

* Sleepaway Camp, circa 1980s

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 9:54:40 PM    * *       *

I'm the pink Doc Marten...
I'm sassy and always in touch
with my feminine side

Which Doc Marten are you?
(by *coffeebean*)