Hollywood Rule Book

- The diseased/addicted/mentally impaired always character always gets the Oscar
- In courtroom dramas, there is always a surprise witness
- In horror movies, young women are required to investigate strange noises in their most revealing lingerie
- All police investigations require at least one visit to a strip club
- In order to humanize his character, an action hero shows no pain while taking a ferocious beating, but will wince when the leading lady tries to clean his wounds
- Kitchens do not have light fixtures; when entering the room at night, the refrigerator door must be opened to light the room
- If a Ferrari appears in a movie, it must be destroyed
- Bad guys kill pets. Good guys kill people
- If a town is threatened by a volcano, shark, or serial killer, the mayor's first concern is the tourist trade
- Buildings have giant ventilation shafts were (a) the hero can access any room in the building and (b) no one ever thinks of looking for him
- Beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the male star lying next to her
- Stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets
- In murder mysteries, the killer is always the neatest dresser
- In detective capers, there are always 21 hours of darkness for every 15 minutes of daylight
- In psychological thrillers, the main female is always sleeping with the killer
- No one ever locks a car when they get out of it. Even in New York City
- The more a man and woman hate each other, the more certain it is they will fall in love
- When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapon
- Teenage pranks end tragically
- All grocery bags must contain at least one loaf of French bread
- A cough is the first sign of a terminal disease
- Bombs must incorporate timing devices with large electronic readouts, allowing at least one character to remark "Whew! That was close!" when the hero disables it
- Every morning, American mothers routinely make huge breakfasts that no one in their family has time to eat
- No one ever circles the block to look for a parking space in an action movie
- No one ever waits for change or a receipt from a taxi driver
- An action hero never faces charges for manslaughter or criminal damage, despite laying waste to entire cities
- Any person awaking from a nightmare must sit bolt upright in bed and scream
- In war films, the guy who shows a picture of his "little sweetheard back home" is a goner
- When driving a car, the safest practice is to spend 95% of your time looking at the passenger beside you, rather than the road
- Your car will always start immediately, unless you're being chased by a maniacal killer or a genetically created monster, in which case it will stall, then turn over at the last possible second
- One man shooting at 20 men has a better change of killing all of them than 20 men do of shooting and killing one man - particularly if the one man in question is a gross-point player and hopefully, shirtless

Ahh. Fingers can rest. I found them quite funny and witty, and yes, true. Sorry I took up so much room writing :P Like I care anymore though.

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 10:51:34 PM    * *       *

Barry Manilow - "Can't Smile Without You" :P

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard leavin' your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 4:05:59 PM    * *       *

Tragedy. Tragedy is when:

- your mom forces you to listen to Barry Manilow tapes in the car, for two hours straight
- you start to enjoy "Can't Smile Without You"
- you download the song when you get home because it's catchy and nice
- your dad asks you if you know of the song "Take On Me" by A-Ha
- all of your friends are too busy on the weekend to do something
- you watch old ALF reruns, "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" and all the Jaws movies on TV
- you have Barry Manilow cranked on your computer
- someone logs on and the sound scares you, because your volume is up high
- you are desperate to watch Trading Spaces
- you know ALL the words to that Barry Manilow song
- you answer the door in fuzzy pajamas and fuzzy furball for hair, and you don't care

I'm done. My life is truly tragic :D

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 4:03:23 PM    * *       *

I'm listening to Pat Benatar - "Love is a Battlefield" which I love. I've been neglecting this lately, just writing stupid short things or copying and pasting crap. Yeah, I've been pretty busy lately so I have a good excuse.

On Friday, I went to Toronto with my mom, to pick up my dad from the airport. As a pitstop, we went shopping at the Yorkdale Mall. I bought three cute panties, three CDs (she bought the Doobie Brothers and Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack, and I bought Dirty Dancing soundtrack :D) and something else. After panicking on the highway, we veered off to the airport to pick up my dad finally. His flight was half an hour late, so we waited standing up for that duration. We watched people get off their planes (well, after they collected baggage, they walked through this tunnel thing out to us) and reunite. It was so funny, because I noticed some guy that looked an AWFUL lot like Eugene Levy (the dad off American Pie 1 & 2...the one with bushy eyebrows and porn magazines) so I showed my mom. She ran after him (I hid, embarrassed, behind a corner :D) and came back proudly with an autograph for me. She said she couldn't find a pen in her purse, just tampons. Aww :D But he signed the autograph for me. Yay.

My dad bought me a Sleepless in Seattle nightshirt, because I like that movie a lot. I was very pleased. Then we drove to Swiss Chalet and ate - I ate SO MUCH. I felt the weight piling under my cords. But we finally left, and my parents got angry at each other for their driving techniques. I slept, drooled on my hand, read and looked out the window all the while. Yeah, I'm one classy girl. When we got home, they stormed off and I watched TV and whatnot. I was online when Karie messaged me and asked me to come over to watch "Hardball" with her. It was 10:45 p.m. I was like "Uhh, my parents are sleeping but I'll go ask..." My dad said yes, ha ha. He just grunted and sighed.
So she came to pick me up, and we listened to her amazing mix CDs there. "Hardball" was so boring and slow. The ending was sad, but the movie just DRAGGED on. I fell asleep for a couple minutes a few times. But it finally ended and we drove home. End.

Nobody's awake. Scott's at work (it's weird - I haven't seen my own brother since Wednesday/Thursday and I don't know where he's been :P) and everyone else is sleeping. It's 11:45 a.m. people! Wake the frig up. And I don't know who's house I'm going to today ;D Maybe to Aimιe's to help babysit or maybe Jen's to sleep over and watch "Vanilla Sky". Probably Jen because Aimιe's going to go see her grandma anyway..

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 11:59:28 AM    * *       *

          *    * *   * Wednesday, May 22     * *

:D im hyper htper htper!!! i cant spell11 1!

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 5:49:21 PM    * *       *

CD ONE

Human League - Don't You Want Me
Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield
Nena – 99 Luft Balloons
Talking Heads – Burning Down the House
Queen – Another One Bites the Dust
Styx – Mr. Roboto
David Bowie – China Girl
Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Come on Eileen
INXS – Need You Tonight
Culture Club – Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Police – Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Tears for Fears – Everybody Wants to Rule the World
Survivor – Eye of the Tiger
Thompson Twins – Hold Me Now
Cutting Crew – I Just Died in Your Arms
Madonna – Into the Groove
Culture Club – Karma Chameleon

CD TWO

Bon Jovi – Livin’ On A Prayer
Hall & Oates – Man Eater
Olivia Newton-John – Physical
Naked Eyes – Promises, Promises
Men Without Hats – Safety Dance
Tears for Fears – Shout
Corey Hart – Sunglasses at Night
Soft Cell – Tainted Love
A-Ha – Take on Me
Spandau Ballet – True
Bangles – Walk Like A Egyptian
Billy Joel – We Didn’t Start the Fire
Go-Go’s – We Got the Beat
Twisted Sister – We’re Not Gonna Take It
Prince – When Doves Cry
Devo – Whip It
Billy Idol – White Wedding

CD THREE

Simple Minds – Don't You Forget About Me
Wham! – Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)
Gowan – Strange Animal
Phil Collins – Sussudio
Bananarama – Venus
Captain & Tennille – Love Will Keep Us Together
Cindy Lauper – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Cindy Lauper – Manic Monday
Cutting Crew – I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight
Depeche Mode – Enjoy the Silence
Flashdance – What a Feeling
George Michaels – Faith
Go West – King of Wishful Thinking
Haddaway – What is Love
Hall & Oates – You Make My Dreams Come True
Madonna – Like a Virgin
Madonna – Vogue
CD FOUR

Meatloaf – I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)
Men at Work – Down Under
Michael Jackson – Beat It
Michael Jackson – Billie Jean
Michael Jackson – Smooth Criminal
Michael Jackson – Thriller
Queen – We are the Champions
Queen – We Will Rock You
Rick Springfield – Jesse’s Girl
Sir Mix a Lot – Baby Got Back
The Go Go’s – Turn to You
Tiffany – I Think We’re Alone Now
Kylie Minogue – Locomotion
Toronto – Your Daddy Don’t Know
Trooper – The Boys in the Bright White Sports Car
Wang Chung – Everybody Have Fun Tonight
Wedding Singer Soundtrack – You Spin Me Around

Karie's burning those CD's and then two more for Ashley and Shannon. :D It's going to be our Driving In Ashley's Car music because 80s is the VERY VERY best kind.
And to make this perfectly clear? I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON. So there.

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 5:41:37 PM    * *       *

          *    * *   * Monday, May 20     * *

Saturday's party was crazy. Around thirty people went. Fire couldn't start. Some retard set off fireworks, and it hit someone. A friend got really super drunk. Had to call my mom at midnight to pick me up. Someone set fire to Richard's sleeping bag. Talked to some guy from another school. Went sober, left sober.

Sunday was funny, and hilarious. Ashley picked me up around noon. We rented 5 movies, ordered poutine and chicken wings. Drove to her house, ate the food and watched the movies. They were: Corky Romano, Mother's Day, The Willies, Flashdance, The Breakfast Club and yeah. Mother's Day and The Willies were so 80s horror and they were amazing. Mother's Day should've been titled by the name of my village :D We're all hicks here too. And The Willies was just BIZARRE. An inside joke:

Laur: Is that clear?
Ash: CRYSTAL.

:D Off to watch "High Fidelity" because that movie rocks.

*   You're so silly, Nanny! 12:12:11 PM    * *       *