the art of losing a city to love ps: you suck

what the frank
layout by Rae
baby got back

* * LAURIE! * *
I'm Laurie. I have hair that makes Richard Simmon's hair looks good. I like giraffes and monkeys. I especially like monkeys. When I was born, my dad said I was either a boy or the ugliest girl alive. It's things like that that makes my self-esteem so high these days. I like a mixture of music from Tool to Weezer to Billie Holiday to Flock of Seagulls. I have an extreme love for the 80s that will never cease. I think I've seen The Breakfast Club about thirty eight times, even though I only like parts of it. Emilio Estevez is my boyfriend. I have a lawn gnome named Clyde. He's dear to my heart. Bruce Willis sings stalker songs to me at night. I watch TV a lot. I love movies to death. I hate the feeling, sound, word, thought of fleece. My nanny gave me a fleece sweater awhile ago. I like the smell of gasoline, freshly cut grass and chlorine. I like when my skin smells after I get out of the pool. I tend to bite my nails too much so my nails are gross and short and creepy. I can't stand having bumps in my hair. I have to have music. I cry during scenes like the ending of Revenge of the Nerds. Unpixelated Sims is funny, and kind of creepy. Laughing at drunk people makes for good times. Claire is my sex monkey. You just wish you were, too. I'm not on crack, although you'd think I was.

* * * LINKS
Shannon, Josie, Emma, Zach, Steph, Julia, Betsy, Gemma

* * * * Saturday, July 20 * *

I AM A SHAMELESS FAN OF BIG BROTHER 3.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 10:35:52 PM * * *

The clown was gone. Dracula was standing at the top of the lefthand stairway, but it was no movie Dracula; it was not Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee or Frank Langella or Francis Lederer or Reggie Nalder. An ancient man-thing with a face like a twisted root stood there. Its face was deadly pale, its eyes purplish-red, the color of bloodclots. Its mouth dropped open, revealing a mouthful of Gillette Blue-Blades that had been set in the gums at angles; it was like looking into a deadly mirror-maze where a single misstep could get you cut it half.
"KEE-RUNCH!" it screamed, and its jaws snapped closed. Blood gouted from its mouth in a red-black flood. Chunks of its severed lips fell to the glowing white silk of its formal shirt and slid down its front, leaving snail-trails of blood behind.

I love Stephen King.

Hee. I'm listening to that stupid pornographic "Pony" song by Ginuwine. It's so...skanky. Dinner today consisted of THIS bizarre conversation:
(Me = L / Scott = S / Mom = M / Dad = D)

L: It's affectionate, the way my friends and I call each other "hoes". It's not mean or anything, unless you say "whore" but only if you say it really truthfully. Then that girl's a whore. Your friends are hoes. It's affectionate!
D: You're a hoe?
L: I'm a strumpet!
M: Or a trollop.
S: What.
D: The "hoe" truth and nothing but the truth, ha.
S: I want the "hoe" news.
- Ten minutes later -
L: IN THE "HOE" WIDE WORLD!
M: He's got the "hoe" world, in his hands.

My family is demented. And for those who don't understand, we subsituted "hoe" for "whole." :P Listened to my Jimmy CD on repeat today, in bed with cramps, while reading "IT." Weee. SNL tonight is the rerun of Will Ferrell's last show. I loved him and his "lovah" sketch :-( And The Get Up Kids were really good on Conan. Conan was especially boss. I love the drummer <3 He's so cute with flingy wingy hair.

Update on Clyde the Lawn Gnome:
He's currently on my desk, in front of the left speaker of my CD player. His eyes kinda freak me out when I glance around the room at night, but other than that, my room has embraced him as another random object to grace my mess. He seems to have become fondly attached to my Dirty Dancing soundtrack which leans up against him. I have good reason to become jealous of his time spent with Patrick Swayze. I think he misses his partner, Pimpy. That's what I call him anyway - Boolia's pimp gnome.

Shannon, from my school, has a blog. I found it through Boolia. It's weird when people from your school have online stuff too. She loves Jimmy :D Yay. ARGH. I have to wait offline for Nancy to call for Scott. Like, piss off. Seriously. You know, I realized how much weight I gain when my cycle comes around - it sounds kinda yucky, but I eat ANYTHING. I'll have ice cream, ham sandwiches, half a box of Fudgeeos and chug tons of orange juice, water bottles and whatever I can get my hands on. I'm one greedy piggy once I get going. I also just realized Avril Lavigne looks like a cracked-out Jennifer Aniston, only vampirish.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 7:17:35 PM * * *

I just sneezed on my leg. My pajama pants has white paint all over them - I cannot remember why or how. My brother just went out for a walk. I'm eating Mr. Noodles. I was reading "IT" but it got boring. A book about a clown killing children dulled me. I am hard to please.

The Get Up Kids are going to be on Conan. And since I'm too lazy to download their songs, I'll take Boolia's word for it and say they're rad. Which I hope they are. Because even though I love Conan, my time CAN'T BE WASTED ON NOBODIES. I'm so bored. Help. Please. I'm trapped on a bus with Keanu Reeves.

I watched a documentary on strippers on Jenny Jones today. I pondered becoming a stripper if I'm in need of a quick financial solution. But then the whole problem with coming up with a new sexy name was big. But anyway.

Big Brother 3 is neat. I like Jason and Danielle. I hate everyone else, they should burn in a big fire. And that host! She stutters and rambles and makes stupid mistakes. Like if you're going to be on public TV, don't make a fool of yourself. But you know...Caroline Rhea doesn't seem to mind! :D I'm bad.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 12:39:05 AM * * *

* * * * Thursday, July 18 * *

Everyone from Boolia's town talks with a Southern, King-of-the-Hill accent :D The old man with the neon orange X shirt bikeriding! The mullet with a tie-dyed shirt! :D I love peoplewatching with Boolia. She has a pimp gnome! My family doesn't particularly accept Clyde :-( They will soon.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 9:59:46 PM * * *

THAT'S MY SHOULDER! I DON'T KNOW YOU.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 4:49:53 PM * * *

Slept over at Julia's last night. It was great. I went over at noon-ish, and we dawdled by her pool with CDs and the breadmaker and crap. Finally, we got in the pool and I managed to get myself caught in some blowup-flower thing with ropes on the side. And she laughed while I was knocking myself out, heh. Then her family came home, and we did nothing but fix our hair, go through old pictures and get changed. Woo.

Then we tried walking downtown, but it unbelievably stifling so we just got halfway. Claire's store. We stopped by and visited, and on old cigarette packages, we ripped off some manface lady's face. It was so creepy and Julia ripped around it and stuck the face in her wallet. Muah. We finally walked by to her house and asked her sister Justyne to drive us. No such luck - Justyne was sleeping and half cranky. After just pouting for about twenty minutes, I changed into a tank top (instead of a normal shirt) and we left again. We got to Roger's Video first and rented 5 movies. Leprechaun, Monkey Shines, Higher Learning, The Ewok Adventure and Nightmare on Elm Street. Then we wandered on over to McDonald's to see if we could see Jen when she was working in the back, at the grill. We saw a glimpse of her, but since she's so short, that was it. We shared a large Sprite and medium fries, and then walked over to Independent Grocer where she works. She picked up her pay stub, avoided Irene and talked to Adam.

We walked back home, and tried to run through people's sprinklers. Whee. We finally got home, where we collapsed sweaty and disgusting. After cooling off, we ate some Mexican rice, set down some mattresses and stuff, and put in Monkey Shines. It was HILARIOUS. The ending was the very best, and we laughed ourselves sick. BEETHOVEN DAD! A doctor meant to say "a congenial situation" but what he DID saw was "a congenital situation" :D. But anyway. Then we popped in Nightmare in Elm Street. Jasmine, Julia and I were watching it and spread out on the couch and living room floor. Justyne's friends, Betsy and Jen, visited for some of NoES and we laughed through it. We noticed some bloopers and yadda. Leprechaun was predictably funny, as I've seen it before. We made fun of it, before it's not even scary. We fell asleep after watching Suddenly Susan.

I have a lawn gnome. Hee.

We woke up around 8:50 a.m. and watched Higher Learning. Jasmine eventually woke up. It was incredibly good and sad, and also frustrating to watch. But very good nonetheless. I really enjoyed it. I would not let Julia make me watch the stupid Ewok Adventure, since it's like those freaky bears in Star Wars. I think they're cute, but not for an entire movie! :P Anyway. My mom came around 11, and we went grocery shopping and at Wal-Mart. When we got home, I put in my Jimmy Eat World CD on repeat, read "IT" until I fell asleep. Napped for a couple hours, and here I am :D I'm so bored.

I decided to name my lawn gnome. He's sitting on my bedside table. He scared me after I woke up from my nap. Maybe I should move him. GIVE ME NAME SUGGESTIONS. I'm thinking either Clyde or Donald. But suggestions would be neat.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 4:49:16 PM * * *

* * * * Wednesday, July 17 * *

I am getting this dress. There's no way around it. I AM GETTING THIS DRESS.

:D All last night, Amber, Rae & I laughed at prom dresses online, ooh-ed over some, and both Amber and I got fondly attached to No Neck. She knows what I'm talking about.

Amber's Dress.
Laurie's Dress.
Rae's Dress. (:D :D No, seriously. Her dress)

* You're so silly, Nanny! 11:20:29 AM * * *

* * * * Tuesday, July 16 * *

I went to Aim�e's yesterday for a sleepover. We watched some of War of the Roses, which we love, talked alot, listened to Tool, went online, watched TV, craved Kraft Dinner, and stuff. She didn't have any KD so we made perogies but then we decided not to eat them, heh. I could not fall asleep, I was so restless so we listened to Tool on her CD player. They put me to sleep, but not in a bad way. Then, I kept waking up briefly from a dream and hitting her cat Samantha with my elbow :P Oops. My mom arrived early, around 10, and woke me up so I stumbled to the car in a tank top and shorts. Whee.

Then she surpised me and told me we were going to Goodwill. Yay. I got a pretty gray Rip Curl 10 (surfing?) shirt, a hot pink Lage Georgia summer shirt (for a over-the-bathing suit cover around the house), another Barry Manilow record, some weird knit bright yellow kneesocks for soccer players (I think), and a bright red pin that says "Ask me about GIA." Hmm. Oh, and I got a mug that says "Forever Plaid!" and another pin that's something like "Kid for Rent" or whatnot. My mom held up an ugly 80s McDonalds sweatshirt and I excitedly told her to put it in the cart, but I guess she thought I was kidding. By the time we were driving away, I had forgotten about it. Ah well.

Supposedly, my parents are forcing Scott and I to go somewhere (our favourite restaurant or someplace quiet) so we will talk everything out. Scott already agreed. I was skeptical. We'll see. I was talking to Aim�e about our prom the other day. I think I'm going to get a dark burgundy dress, or a black one. This year, I saw some of the girls' dresses at my brother's prom and they were all a big themey colour of purple-blue. I don't want to fit a mold. I was a POOFY bottom. Swishy and billowy. I'm such a hopeless romantic. Anyway, we also promised that we'd take pictures of EVERYTHING next year. Because we're graduating.

We won't have our bench (which we are seriously considering to steal on one of our last days). We won't have great lunchtimes where Aim�e gets everyone to sing. We won't have to hear me begging for money or someone's tidbit snack. We won't have those amazing talks on Mr. Rashotto's couch while watching some freaky lady on some educational video eating chocolate. We won't be together. We're all going off to different schools. We won't badmouth Whore, LittleHead or BigTits ever again. We won't ever dance down the halls, singing at the top of our lungs to the stupidest songs. We won't ever laugh at Candice because she trips out of nowhere on her "towers". We won't be extremely catty about how short some girls wear their kilts, while ours are riding our cracks (MEGHAN :D). We won't flip each other's kilts just to embarass them. And I could go on and on but I'm searching online for prom dresses. I saw one cheap dress that I fell in LOVE with but I can't remember the designer! :-(

* You're so silly, Nanny! 7:48:28 PM * * *

* * * * Monday, July 15 * *

	There is no hope. You are Very Redneck! You plague humanity with plaid and five-year-old John Deer merchandise. Huntin', fishin', shootin', and a drinkin' for you is a way of life, and for you, ignorance is bliss! The only literature to be found at your home is to be found in the outhouse, used for wiping your ass. See you at the tractor pull bubba!
�2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

I swear, it's only because of where I live! WE ONLY HAVE ONE INTERSECTION.

So yeah. Scott's not even acknowledging me anymore...

Last night, he asked to get online. Our family established this rule that I'd be allowed on for an hour, Brad can be on for an hour after me and whoever keeps getting online, only gets an hour each time. It's fairly reasonable, so we don't really care about it. I was only 17 minutes into my slot, so I said no - he could wait until I was done online. He keeps asking me, like I swear thirty times, and I almost started laughing because he was getting SO mad everytime I said no. If I didn't say yes the first twenty times, do you actually expect me to change my mind...? But anyway, he starts clenching his fists together and punched the office door. I think our house has over six of those, from all of us. We need Anger Management classes. So then, he just stands in the doorway and keeps asking me. I asked him to shut the door. He told me to shut it myself. So I stood up and went to grab the knob but he decides he's not going to let me. What a retard. So he keeps disconnecting me, and getting REALLY beyond-angry because I was nearly laughing because it was so stupid. Now this is where it really hurt. I made a book of pictures of us together when we were kids, and wrote cute comments around the side. Then I wrote him a huge letter about how I want us to be friends when he leaves for university, and how I don't want to regret anything about our relationship. Well, he came into the office and threw the book at me and told me I shouldn't have made it. Then he yelled that I shouldn't write stupid crappy letters that lie, and that he doesn't want me to cry "fake" tears when he leaves. He told me he doesn't want me to hug him or anything. Fine. Then he leaves, but comes back in and stands here before saying something like "Soon, you'll realize what type of person you really are, and you'll hate yourself for it." Our family should be well-known for the most biting remarks, when we're angry. My dad once told me he wanted to hit me a couple times. Brad once made the worst personal dig about my lack of a love life. My mom....well, she doesn't really say many angry things that hurt. Scott....there's too many. Me? I have one for every family member. I'm the worst in the family.

Today is the worst day of summer so far. There is nothing nice about this day. Nobody is appealing to me. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to watch reruns of Jenny Jones. I don't feel like swimming or being with friends or being online. I just want to hole myself up in my room, with shut curtains and the fan blowing in my face, curled up under heavy blankets. I hate summer sometimes.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 11:41:35 AM * * *

my brother's abusive. just so you know.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 12:00:10 AM * * *

* * * * Sunday, July 14 * *

Watched "In Dreams" tonight with the family. I loved it.

daddy was a dollar
i wrote it on a fence
daddy was a dollar
not worth 100 cents

RESPONSIBILITY WHAT'S THAT

Help, I'm bored. I love Marilyn Manson's version & video of "Tainted Love." Although I'm the biggest 80s buff, Marilyn excelled beyond Soft Cell's original.

My computer is so slow. Will & Grace was funny tonight. "Haha, that's funny. Will Woman. I couldn't think of any good ones. Oh wait! How about Dill Truman...because his name is Will...." :D Or something like that.

Why do I have so much rap on my computer? Seriously. I can't stand most rap.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 11:58:56 PM * * *

Looking into Carleton University. I'm not going to become a criminal psychologist or a criminologist. Maybe a journalist.

Me: Mommy, tell me what to become.
Mom: (laughs) I can't tell you what to do with your life.
Me: Well...you tell me to clean my room.

I'm good at putting things in perspective.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 7:29:31 PM * * *

I'm so privileged. The mosquitos flocked me. I had pants on. I have twenty three bites. I feel loved, also.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 7:02:30 PM * * *

My day's really starting to go sour. I was being all fine with watching Disney Family Channel movies and swimming and reading "It" (hee, I love that movie) but then Boolia called. Now, I love her to pieces and all, but her news got me really down on myself.
A lot of people knew I was excited and planning to the go to the Weezer/Dashboard Confessional concert in the Molson Ampitheatre in Toronto, but instead I got my glasses. I was a bit sad about it this decision but I thought it was worth it more than four hours being squished. I was so wrong. Boolia's allowed to go because her sister (who possessed a ticket) got the flu suddenly, and Julia took her spot. It's about twenty minutes to showtime or whatever. I really want to be there. Nearly eleven people from my school are all going. And I'm not. I hate this. I hate how this is depressing me alot because I AM happy for Boolia. I made her promise the ONLY thing she would tell me, is if Rivers still had his beard shtick going on. I hate his beard. But if she went on and on about how great it was, it would create some childish tension between us, just because of me. I hate hearing people having fun when I CAN'T join in. So yeah.

There are no ticketmaster.ca event listings for "Barry Manilow" available at this time. Please try another search. I hate you, Canadian Ticketmaster. GIVE ME BARRY.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 6:38:23 PM * * *

Slept over at Jen's last night. We rented "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and "A Walk to Remember." I don't know how or why, but we were SO hyper. Laughing at everything, and nothing. It was great. TMNT got boring so we shut it off. Watched the end of the Osbournes, then the Makeover Story on Ty & Amy Wynn from Trading Spaces, then popped in AWTR. Made me teary, but then Jen and I sucked back over five freezies each and started freaking out laughing. Hee.

Watched "Cadet Kelly" when I came home. I want to be a cadet. Or be in the military or army or navy or at least go to boot camp. Maybe it was just the fact that I liked the shirt that Cadet Kelly wore during the movie :D You know, I'm being to think ever since I started attending a uniformed Catholic high school, I'm prone to cute dress shirts. Blah.

* You're so silly, Nanny! 2:35:11 PM * * *